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Biggest Enemy
Trauma is the root of all of my suffering in this life. Sometimes people, especially those who have had the fortune of not having a traumatic childhood, don’t really grasp the extent of what trauma really is and how it affects the traumatized. You might have the misinformed understanding that trauma is something you consciously think about after it has happened. For cases of acute traumatic events, this is part of the symptoms someone might experience once some time has passed from the event. For example, losing a loved one is a traumatic event that might keep playing in your mind, especially if you witnessed their death. The same can be said about such things as natural disasters.
Shut-Off
As a Kid, I used to be one of those who could and would never stop talking about their interests. The things I loved, I loved passionately and wholeheartedly. I wanted to share the joy I felt when interacting with my hobbies and obsessions to everyone I ever came across. Now, as I look back on that behavior I used to exhibit, the signs of neurodivergence are glaringly obvious to me. And because this world was never built for anybody else but neurotypicals, the children are to pay for it with their mental health and future.
What’s Up With The Gender?
Growing up, I didn’t really think about my gender all that much. To me, it didn’t hold any type of significance: I was raised in a very genderless manner (not gender neutral, genderless), which definitely contributed to the factor. My gender identity has never been something that’s at the forefront of my mind, because I don’t perceive it as an important part of who I am as an individual.
Shards Of Identity
Back in school, one of my all-time favorite assignments on Finnish and literature lessons was to write about yourself as a person. We had one of these writing sessions almost every school year at the start of the first semester in August. I’ve always loved writing, my strongest suits have been academic, analytical, and reflective writing. As much as I love literature and prose in particular, I am not a prosaist by any stretch of the imagination (I suck at story-telling really bad). But self-reflection is something innately natural to me, has always been. That’s probably why I loved those assignments so much, and it seemed like my teachers enjoyed reading my texts too.
Reboot The Game
I used to be an avid Sims player, like a lot of kids my age. I was nine years old when the Sims 3 was released, it was the first game I ever had the pleasure of owning and playing on my laptop. Until then, I had just watched my friends from wealthier families play the Sims 2. It seemed like such a fun game, something to get creative with, something to explore the human condition with – in ways that I wasn’t really aware of at the time.
Thief
When I first fell ill and had the massive breakdown of 2022, I felt like everything had been taken away from me. That feeling has since persisted, and it is something I find myself thinking about on the regular. Every time I try to talk about it with medical professionals, they tend to argue against me, reminding me of the good that I still have in life. I know their intentions are pure, I know they think that they’re doing is helping me, but in all honesty, I just want someone to listen and truly understand what I mean.
Don’t Dare To Dream
Do you have dreams? As in, do you have goals or aspirations that might seem a bit unrealistic but are still something you want to pursue and strive to achieve? Or maybe you used to have dreams, as a kid perhaps, but now in your adulthood, you have lost all sight of them.
My Reflection & Me
Some people say that your appearance does not define you, and I would like to agree with that sentiment. However, this world has continuously taught me that the two are so intertwined with one another that sometimes, it has become impossible for me to separate the two. My face has become who I am, and that in itself has led to more problems in my selfhood than I can count.
Life Update: New Winds
It’s been a while since I’ve made one of these Life Update posts, and I thought what better timing to bring them back than the start of a new era. This article is simultaneously the first being published on the now-finalized homepage of the art project, and the very last post you will be able to view on the original Blogger blog. After this point, we are saying final goodbyes to the starting point, and smelling the fresh air of the new winds, as we Finns like to say from time to time.