Life Update: Finding My Bro

Do you remember this old Life Update post? In August 2023, I was struggling a lot with the constant need to find a bro in my life. I had dreams about meeting him, I was talking to my girlfriend about this guy who didn’t even exist at that time, grieving the loss of my former bro, the one who I never should have ended up dating in the first place. This yearning was back then, and has been, very very strong, something I have lost sleep over. And it is strange because a lot of the people in my life just don’t seem to understand it: why is it so important for me, a lesbian, to have a guy best friend? And honestly, I don’t really know the answer to that question, either. It’s something I have always had, and after coming to terms with my sexuality and becoming more secure in my experiences as a homosexual woman, I have also sort of just accepted it.

That I just need a bro. A young man with good vibes, great sense of humor, intelligent, loyal, and also queer himself. 

And friends, I have the pleasure to finally let you know: I have found my bro.

His name is Robbie, and he’s a fellow artist, an illustrator colleague of mine. I initially met him on Instagram, it was at the very beginning of me working on the project. I was eagerly following other artists whose art styles I really liked, especially a lot of Finnish artists, for the sake of building network and such. Robbie’s art is really pleasing to the eye, I loved the color palettes and the character designs. The queer identities he presents in his illustrations warmed my heart, and I followed him. Shortly, he followed me back.

It took us a while to actually get to talking, but when I started posting on the Instagram Subscription service and hosting the weekly livestreams on there, that is when Robbie and I began talking more. I instantly felt that click, that this guy was someone I wanted to get to know better. We share a lot of interests, including one influential musical artist and our undying love for kitties (cars). We messaged each other about art, about our thoughts and feelings on bullying, how these things have shaped us as human beings. Robbie is such an intelligent person, talking with him about anything and everything was effortless.

And then came in the cat videos. 

(Pro tip for anyone who wants to befriend me: just send me a bunch of videos of weird kitties doing weird shit, and I am sold.)

 A couple of months ago, Robbie was about to go on a vacation to Japan. He messaged me and asked me what I would like for him to bring me as a souvenir. I have never been to Japan myself despite dreaming about it since I was 8 years old, and I have never had anyone in my circles visit the country either. So for him to care about me enough to think of me in a moment like that…it meant a lot to me. 

January this year, I launched my podcast. Immediately Robbie expressed his interest to appear as a special guest on the podcast, to come in and talk about autism and bullying with me. I welcomed him with open arms, excited to talk about something so profoundly important to me and to all other victims of peer abuse, with someone as smart and knowledgeable as Robbie. And so, we agreed on a date when the recording would take place. And that happened to be this week’s Monday.

my bro.

Robbie came to visit me in my tiny hometown in Eastern Finland, a place he had never visited. I picked him up at the railway station, and we went to my apartment. He stayed at my place overnight, and it was honestly one of the best experiences I have had in a long time. We had so much fun just talking, talking about everything, not just stuff related to art or the podcast topics, but about life, our experiences of queerness, future plans, fandom culture, special interests in music and animanga… We could have stayed up all night just talking, and this time, it was not just because my Karelian ass cannot shut the fuck up, I promise!

There wasn’t enough time. It felt like Robbie had to leave mid-convo, honestly. I had wanted to take him to the local art expos and galleries, but there just wasn’t enough time for everything. And that, to me, speaks volumes on the type of guy he is, on the type of connection that we had. 

I’ve met a lot of guys around my age, even been friends with some of them. While I have rarely had trouble with getting along with them, it’s not like every single guy ever is suitable for the bro title. I’ve had two bros in my life, the first one being the son of my father’s then-girlfriend who only made my dad’s alcoholism worse, and eventually they broke up, and I lost my bro along with it. He apparently also had some kind of feelings for me, I didn’t feel it or see it though. And then, my second bro was…well, you know the story by now.

But being with Robbie, talking with him, spending time with him… It made me feel exactly the same connection I had felt with my previous bros. That same kind of click, the vibe that just told me that this is someone who I can trust, who I can rely on – and those people have been pretty hard for me to come by earlier in my life. 

So yes, my bro spot is no longer vacant. Sometimes, these people are way closer to you than you realize. The same thing happened with my girlfriend, too: we were really good friends, I loved them so much, so much more than I was even aware at the time, and I was longing to experience that authentic romantic love and affection with another woman – while it was already right there in front of my eyes. I have been complaining and annoying everyone with my constant yammering on how much I want a bro in my life, while he was literally right there, so much closer than I ever knew. 

This is me introducing Robbie as my bro to everyone, and I am sure that you will keep hearing about him a lot in the future. In the meantime, though, please make sure you follow him on Instagram @pawsuprobbie because you really need to go check out his art.

Awaiting the next handshake,

ichigonya